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Last Saturday, my husband and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. Prior to getting married, we were together as boyfriend and girlfriend for almost five years. (It was a rather rough ride though, with most of those years spent in a long-distance relationship, as we were both missionaries for our Catholic youth community back then.)
Celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary over coffee (well, hot chocolate for him!) and cake
A lot of people who know us now don’t know that we didn’t get together under the best of circumstances – you see, it was a rather whirlwind romance for us, and many people, including our families, leaders and mentors in our youth community, did not approve so much of our getting together so quickly. (On hindsight, we know they reacted that way only because they love us and wanted us to be very careful and discerning before making any major decisions!)
This is Anthony and me a few days BEFORE we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Hehe!
Most people also don’t know that during our relationship, we almost broke up A LOT of times, and at one point, I even considered becoming a nun! We also went through many “periods of darkness” (though I don’t want to elaborate on that here – maybe I’ll `fess up about it here sometime, tee hee!).
Now that we’re married with two beautiful kids though, and, thank God, quite happy with where we are, I look back and can only say that it is truly by God’s grace that we’re together.
{This is just part of a post I wrote for my contribution this week to philstar.com’s unBLOGGED section. To read the entire post, which includes Ten Tips For Married Couples, (though not originally written by me) please click here.} |
Truly Rich Reflections: Parents for Eternal Life
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I recently read an article entitled “The Teaching of the Catholic Church on Home Schooling – Parents for Eternal Life” by Jesuit priest Fr. John Hardon, and the following paragraph really struck me:
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“…what they (children) mainly need is to know why God made them; why they are on earth at all; why they are in this world; that they are here in this life in order to prepare and train themselves for the world to come. In a word, children are to be taught that their short stay here in time is only a preparation for the world that will never end. They are to be trained for heaven.”
(*To read the rest of this entry, please go to my blog post on Philstar.com’s unBLOGGED section here. Thanks in advance for your support!)
Parenting Strategies For Difficult Days
This post by Megan from Sorta Crunchy originally appeared on the Simple Mom site. I hope it helps all parents out there, especially on days when you wonder why in the world you decided to become one in the first place (and, yes, I have those days too! It’s perfectly normal!).
There are days when this parenting gig is the best one on the planet.Giggles come easily, hugs are plentiful, and cooperation abounds. All seems right in our world and in our family, and our confidence soars.
And then, there are those days – the days when every situation devolves into a meltdown, and it seems like there is a new battle to be waged around every corner. On those days when our confidence in our parenting plummets, we have to reach deep into our parenting toolboxes to find the resources we need to survive.
I’ll be the first to admit that I often struggle with a positive, healthy response to bad days. I make a lot of mistakes, but in correcting those mistakes, I’ve found a few things that seem to work for the season of parenting in which I find myself.
These are four positive parenting strategies I rely on to help me through those difficult days.
1. Understand ages and stages.
One of the most helpful resources I’ve come across in the past year is a series of books written in the 1970s by and . In each book in the series, the authors shed insight on every aspect of development a child experiences at each age. Knowing the why behind my children’s actions provides incredible support in choosing the how of responding to them.
For example, in , Ames and Ilg explain why it is that ritual and routine are so important to two year olds.
Because of this understanding that ritual and sameness allow my two-year-old to feel safe and in control, I can respond with empathy when her routines are disrupted and she feels off-track.
It’s a stage – these words of advice are often heard from the lips of more experienced parents. Knowing that a challenging behavior won’t last forever provides me with the perspective I need to make it through difficult days.
2. Connect feelings to actions.
One of the most profound insights I’ve learned since becoming a parent is a simple phrase I’ve heard from several different, very wise sources: people who feel badly act badly.
When I push the pause button on my own frustration in the midst of an intense moment, I remember that this truth applies to myself as well as to my children. If I am snippy, short-tempered, or terse with others, it is a reflection of emotions churning beneath the surface.
Children lack the emotional and developmental maturity to express their inner turmoil. It is up to us, as the adult in these situations, to sleuth out what the internal triggers are that are causing the external conflict. Is my child hungry? Tired? Over-stimulated? Jealous? Hurting?
When I bear in mind that her actions are not a personal assault on me, but rather an overflow of what is going on inside her, it brings the peace of mind that I need to navigate the rapids until we finally float into smoother waters.
3. Catch them in the act (of being good).
Once upon a time, a long time ago, I read for a graduate level education class. I didn’t realize at the time that the principles of this book would be applicable to parenting, but there is one concept from this business management book that is extremely helpful in family life: catch them in the act – of doing something good.
On miserably bad days, it is all too easy to micro-focus on all of the wrong. Yet even on the worst of days, there is always something that can be praised.
The switch in my mind flips from negative to positive when I make the conscious effort to catch one of my daughters doing something good . My children can’t help but pick up on my shift in energy and outlook, evident by the way they respond to me.
4. Sneak in some fun.
Last week, we found ourselves trapped inside for three days by an ice storm. By the end of the third day, we were grouchy, cranky, and frustrated. My older daughter and I sat on her bed while she worked through some of her big feelings. She picked up a pillow and threw it on the floor.
I seized the moment and said, “Oh, you wanna have a pillow fight, do you?” Her cranky countenance broke into a grin as she said, “Sure!” We then had a great time bopping each other with pillows while we laughed and played.
This approach doesn’t work in every situation, but I have found that if I can muster a playful or silly response, the distraction and fun dissolves the tense situation. If you watch carefully, you’ll find fun where you least expect it.
Freebie Friday: Parenting Tips – Coping With Criticism
(FYI: This was taken from Mark Merrill’s blog. The original post can be read here.)
Teaching your children how to cope with criticism is something that will help them for the rest of their lives. Criticism is something that everyone experiences. When used properly, criticism is a tool for building others up and improving a person. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t just want a pat on the back. I actually prefer constructive criticism from my wife, children and co-workers because I know that I can grow from it.
So help your children cope with criticism by sharing these two truths.
Criticism is Your Friend.
Nobody likes to be told that they’re doing something wrong. It’s hard not to be defensive, hurt, or even angry. But try to look past your feelings and try to see the truth in the critique. Take the suggestions and get better. Accept each criticism as an opportunity to learn and improve. It may be hard to see it at first, but criticism is your friend.
Consider the Source.
Teach your children to consider who’s giving the criticism. Is it someone who genuinely cares about you? Or, is it just a person who wants to correct everyone and everything? Sometimes we are criticized wrongly. When that happens, your children need to know that it’s good to graciously listen to the person, but then can discard the criticism if there is no merit to it.
That’s what did. He was able to take the criticism that he got from the judges and learn from it. He sought out and valued their input, making changes to his performance style and song choices along the way. But when he was eliminated before the final 24, he was able to weed out the wrong criticisms and continue to pursue his dreams. Despite the criticism. What will you do?
My Mother’s Day Message For Our Kids
To Tim and Rysse,
Thank you for the greatest gift that God could ever give me – the gift of motherhood. By being your mother, I have learned so many things about God and myself. I have seen how wonderful it will be in heaven. Through your hugs, kisses, laughter and “I love you’s” I have felt truly rich and loved.
I know I have failed you many, many times, even before you were born. There were times when I (and your Papa) put you through undue stress, and spanked you too many times. There were times when we said harsh words and hurt your feelings. There were times when we did not assure you that you are perfectly, unconditionally loved, and that you are more important than our work for the Lord, and other things that keep us busy.
For all these times and more, I am truly sorry, as I’m sure your Papa is. I want you to know how infinitely blessed, loved and grateful we feel for being called to be your parents, unworthy and imperfect as we are.
This Mother’s Day, I thank you for the best gift that I have ever received. I thank the Lord for you both (and your Papa too, of course, because you wouldn’t be here if not for him too!) each and every day.
Please know that Mama loves you with all her heart. I will do my best to be the best Mama for you both, and your future siblings.
May God bless you both to be holy, healthy, happy and wealthy, so that you can love and serve others!
Love and prayers,
Mama
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