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This is a really long post, but I hope you’ll read it to the end… not for my sake, but for God’s greater glory. This is especially for my fellow moms who may be having doubts or fears about their current pregnancies, or are even afraid of getting pregnant again. But even if you’re NOT a mom, I hope you’ll read this.
“Do you have any reason to suspect that you’re pregnant?”
These words from the doctor whom I had gone to see because I had been feeling sick for a few days did not seem like any cause for surprise or “alarm.”
“No po,” I laughed.
“Well, your last period was on December 1. Why not?”
“Oh, I have had irregular periods / long cycles ever since po,” I replied.
“Well, you still need to be sure, because you can’t have an x-ray done if you’re pregnant,” the doctor said.
She had asked me to undergo a series of tests because she could not see why I was feeling ill, even after examining me thoroughly. I had been feeling out of breath, even while just lying down, and suffered on and off headaches.
So I obediently went to get a home pregnancy kit (I got two actually!), called my husband to tell him what the doctor had said, and said a prayer of surrender to the Lord. 😉
I used the pregnancy kits the next morning, and both showed up negative! To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t know what I was feeling. It was a jumble of emotions really. And I’ve learned from my “mommy mentors” (who are totally pro-life, by the way!), that it’s totally OK to have mixed feelings about another pregnancy.
So anyway, later in the day, I happened to glance at the pregnancy kits again and, lo and behold, there were two lines on each of them instead of the original single lines that were there in the morning!
You can imagine my surprise (more like shock actually!) at that time. It was more like this:
Ha, ha! #KeepingItReal here, folks! 🙂
So I turned to Google to see what that could possibly mean, and the results suggested one of the following:
- The pregnancy tests showed false positive results.
- The pregnancy tests showed false negative results.
And the best thing to do was to go for lab tests to confirm whether there was a pregnancy or not. Since I was scheduled to go back to the clinic that weekend anyway, my husband and I decided to have a urine test done along with my other scheduled tests.
By the weekend, I was already feeling sicker than before. I had a really swollen throat, and my whole body was aching. I had a urine sample done to rule out a UTI (as previously ordered by my doctor), plus to test for pregnancy.
While waiting for the results, I consulted the doctor who said that I had really swollen tonsils, so he prescribed some antibiotics. Just before paying for his doctor’s fee, I got the urine test results and the pregnancy was CONFIRMED!
To be brutally honest, a small part of me was still hoping that the results were negative. But part of me also felt peaceful when we got the positive results. I felt that the Lord had been preparing me for it.
Allow me to backtrack a bit at this point and explain why.
At last year’s Kerygma Conference, God’s main message to me, especially through Chris Padgett‘s talks, was crystal clear:
“Are you truly pro-life in how you think, act, and speak? When it’s just you, or just you and your husband, do you really honor and cherish life? Are you really willing to say ‘Yes’ to me, like Mary did?”
After the Kerygma Conference, I felt convicted to share God’s message with my husband, and we both knew that we had to apply His message to our life, especially as a married couple. We even went to Confession as a symbol of turning over a “new leaf.” It was perfect timing, too, since the Advent season had already started by then.
We committed to being truly pro-life in how we think, act, and speak, especially as a married couple. And we chose to give God our “yes,” just as Mary did.
“May it be done to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)
Fast forward to the time when we found out I was pregnant. Our fourth child was about to turn two, and this was our shortest “gap” between kids to date. And yet, despite initial “fears” of what was to come (and this included possible negative remarks from other people, including family members, about this pregnancy being “unplanned,” “too early,” etc.), I was at peace. I knew that the peace I felt could only come from God.
I believe that it was no coincidence either that the week we found out about my pregnancy was March for Life week in the U.S. Naturally, many of the posts I saw in my social media feeds were all pro-life! Below is one of my favorites (from @itssarahhall on Instagram) —it really popped out at me and I felt as if it was part of God’s message to us.
I also happened to read an article on CatholicMom.com soon afterwards, about The Gospel of Life.
“The Gospel of Life is born afresh every time a family welcomes a new child of God.”
Wow!
Despite these affirmations though, Anthony and I agreed not to let anyone else know about the pregnancy first… we wanted to go for a check-up with my OB first. Before doing so, I told him, “If she says that Baby’s estimated date of delivery (EDD) is September 8, this must really be Mama Mary’s doing!”
Well, guess what she said!
The EDD based on my last menstrual period is September 8, the birthday of Mama Mary!
I know, right? Amazing!
And when we traced the time at which Baby was conceived, it was around the time when we had just finished our journey.
AND… it was around the time when we had just celebrated the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe!
Our Lady of Guadalupe, who is well-known as the patroness of the unborn! (And apparently, the patroness of “the nitty-gritty, dirty and thankless, sleep deprived, unacknowledged, invisible, and grace-filled aspects of motherhood,” according to this lovely article.)
It was God’s way of affirming us that this pregnancy—which others might think was “unplanned”—is actually part of His amazing plan for us, through the powerful intercession of Mother Mary.
Actually, call me naive, but I believe all the more now that every pregnancy, even the ones considered “unplanned” by society especially because the mother is not ready, etc., is a part of God’s big plan.
Every baby that is conceived in a woman’s womb is a thought in God’s mind. A thought turned into reality.
The problem is that many of us do not see this, even those among us who call ourselves “pro-life.” Many of us see additional babies as additional “burdens.” We consider having a big family “costly” and difficult, which may be true, of course, but isn’t that how the anti-life movement and culture of death gain a foothold in our society?
To emphasize my point… last month, I shared a disturbing, heartbreaking image of aborted babies on my personal Facebook wall. I was surprised to see people commenting on my post and sharing it. Now, I am glad that people were reminded about the horrors of abortion but have we ever thought about how the “seeds” or thoughts of having an abortion are planted in the minds of women?
It’s when we as a society give them the idea that they are “not ready” to have a baby (or if it’s not their first child, to have *another* baby). It’s when we hint to women that to have a/another child is “burdensome,” “mahirap,” “challenging”, and other words that, yes, may be well-meaning but can cause a woman to doubt even for one second that the baby growing in her womb is a gift and a blessing and a miracle.
When we first found out I was pregnant again, I really did have a mixture of emotions. You know why? One of the reasons was that I feared that there would be people who would also give us “well-meaning” comments.
I know we shouldn’t care about what others say when we know deep down inside that this baby—and all our babies—are blessings from the Lord. In fact, this is actually how I feel now:
BUT I must admit that it still hurt a bit when those “well-meaning” comments came (and still come, actually). Sometimes in the form of a concerned statement. Sometimes in the form of a joke.
“Tama na ‘yan, ha?”
“What? Buntis ka ulit?”
“Ano baaaa?!!”
“Last na ‘yan, ha?”
“You know, there’s an app you can use to make sure you don’t get pregnant.”
“Bakit so soon? Ang liit pa ng youngest niyo!”
And so on. Someone even told me that maybe we should try different forms of artificial birth control. I replied politely but deep inside I was like:
Now, I know that the people who make statements like these are mostly concerned for our growing family. And I am not belittling their concern in any way.
BUT. Again. These statements and others like them can cause women to think twice about the blessing of motherhood. They can cause women who may not be surrounded by supportive family and friends to think, “Ay oo nga. This is too hard. I won’t be able to do this,” and maybe even consider an abortion.
If we are going to call ourselves truly “pro-life,” then we should start being so not just in our actions, which people can see, but in our thoughts and words, too. This is actually why I’m writing this post. I have been meaning to for months but only got around to doing it now.
I must admit that, for a long time, Anthony and I were not 100% pro-life in private, when it was just the two of us, in our words and actions. And we believe that God gave us this baby—through Our Lady of Guadalupe’s intercession—as an affirmation of our choosing to be truly pro-life in ALL aspects. I just hope and pray that more and more people will learn to see the gift of life for what it truly is… that it is a MIRACLE.
Speaking of miracles, here is another story of God’s grace and Our Lady of Guadalupe’s intercession.
You see, just a few days before this post, my OB told me that I could resume normal activity, after more than two months of being on bedrest!
It all started with a small subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH) detected at my first ultrasound, which apparently grew significantly in volume, and I ended up bleeding externally. My husband had to rush me to the hospital, and I was put on bedrest and had to take medication to ensure that we would not lose the baby.
This has been my most challenging pregnancy so far. I had to have so many tests done, so many ultrasounds, so much medication to take… and it really cost us a lot of money too!
But by God’s grace and Our Lady of Guadalupe’s intercession, plus the prayers of so many people and the amazing support of our family members and friends, we are surviving… and are taking it one day, one prayer at a time.
And I guess this is the main message of this post:
If you’re facing challenges right now…
If you’re doubting God’s plan for you…
If you’re at your lowest point and desperate for hope…
If you’re struggling with your faith…
If you’re about to give up…
Remember these words of the Angel Gabriel to Mary at the Annunciation:
Nothing will be impossible for God. (Luke 1:37)
And this goes out especially to the mom who may be facing a difficult pregnancy, or may not feel “ready” to be pregnant. You are not alone. God’s got this!
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you… plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart…” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
