When I chose my one word for 2013, i.e. {in}Courage, I didn’t know then that I’d REALLY be needing lots of courage and lots of time to dwell in God’s presence. But He must have known — well, He knows our lives, past, present and future, right?

Those of you who’ve been seeing my updates on and already know what happened to me last weekend — thus, the lack of posts (again!) here. I was trying to catch up on my backlog at work and other projects last Thursday, which was the first day I had gone back to the office after almost two weeks of bedrest, when I started feeling pain in my back and abdomen.

That was around 11.30pm. I tried lying down but the pain was still persistent. Then I felt a continuous “flicking” sensation on the left side of my tummy — I wasn’t sure if it was Baby Anne or something else. So I asked Anthony to try to see if he could feel it too. He could. And then I said maybe we should go to the hospital, just to be sure. He had actually been asking me if we needed to go the  moment I started complaining of pain.

So we went. It’s a good thing we were at my in-laws’ at the time, since we had been sleeping there since my father-in-law died — we left the kids with my mother-in-law.

And this is what happened:

Yep, I got admitted. I felt SO guilty when I was told I was having premature contractions and that my cervix was open 1 to 2 cm! 🙁 NOT good! Bad Tina, you should have been more obedient! Oh no, Anne can’t come out yet! We haven’t even prepared her stuff! And she’s too small! Oh, look what you’ve done! 

Yes, thoughts like these raced through my head. I started crying! It’s a good thing the doctors around me reminded me that it would be better for me to calm down. At the time, I still had my phone with me, so Anthony, who was waiting outside the Labor Room, was also texting me, telling me to calm down and assuring me that “All is well.”

I stayed in the hospital for one and a half days (a very costly one and a half days, in my opinion). I was sent home with bedrest and “house arrest” orders until it’s safe for Anne to be born — not for another 3-4 weeks! My OB said April 15 onwards is OK, but she prefers April 20 onwards.

So here I am, typing on my side while in bed (not a very comfy position, mind you). I’ve been TRYING to rest as much as I can, though a lot of people know I’ve been on “bedwork” mode most days since my discharge from the hospital. I had SO many plans for this Holy Week — an outreach activity with fellow homeschoolers, Holy Week-themed activities for our homeschool, participation in parish activities — and the weeks before my estimated date of delivery (EDD) — events to attend, summer classes at and Mathemagis for the kids, shopping for baby things, finishing all my work-related tasks before I apply for maternity leave, and so on. But I guess God has other plans. Which leads me to the truth behind this verse:

I’m not blaming God for my situation now. I do blame myself a bit. But I also know that maybe He let this happen for a bigger purpose.

Since being on bedrest, I’ve still tried to meet my obligations at work and other projects. I’ve also asked people to share their prayer concerns with me, so that at least my time in bed will be more meaningful. I must admit though that these past few days since coming home from the hospital I have been too short-tempered again with our kids. I need to “fix” that these remaining days of the Holy Week!

I’m praying and hoping that even if I can’t physically attend the Easter Triduum activities in our parish, and the at SMX on Easter Sunday — where Anthony will be serving for the first time as Big Events Manager — I’ll still be able to reflect on the true reason for this blessed week: Jesus’ great love for you and me. I plan to do the Visita Iglesia online and other online Holy Week activities, like this recollection here.

Anyway, I really thank God that Anne is still safe in my womb so far, and despite my whining at times, I thank Him, too, that I can still do my work from home and while in bed. Of course, I need to slow down and take things easy. Hopefully, I can really do this starting tomorrow!

I want to thank all of you, too, for your prayers, messages of concern and support and encouragement during this difficult time. Thank you for “sticking around,” even if I haven’t been able to post regularly, and may not be posting as often as I want to from now on. 🙂

Even if I haven’t been “around” here lately, I have been writing elsewhere on the web, aside from my tasks for my main job, of course. Here are links to my more recent articles and posts and “work,” in case you are interested in reading them:

On Smart Parenting:

Amazing Grace: The Healing Power of Forgiveness

Amazing Grace: Faith and Our Miracle Baby

Amazing Grace: Nothing Is Impossible for Those Who Believe

SP’s Summer Classes and Activities Directory for 2013

On Philstar.com: 

Holy Week Reflections for Parents: The Need for Faith

On Trusting Your Mom Instincts

When a Loved One Dies

Catholic Filipino Academy’s Home Base

So yes, I have been a pretty busy bee. I don’t want to be one anymore, actually. But there’s a need to be one right now, especially given our financial needs both present and future, when Anne comes. Don’t worry though, I will do my best to slow down. Really.

So… if you don’t see any posts from me this week, you’ll know why. 😉 Though I do plan to try blogging with my Blackberry in the meantime! Hehe! Thanks to my fellow World Moms Blog mom/WAHM Patty for the tip!

Here’s to a blessed and meaningful Easter Triduum ahead, and an AWESOME amazing grace-filled Easter to all! And remember, Jesus, not the Easter Bunny, is the Reason for this GLORIOUS season, and He has great plans for you and your life! 🙂

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